December 4, 2014

Cuddy: Get out of my chair. And the answer is no.

House: You ever noticed how many porn sites have "mom" in the domain name? Hot moms, hungry moms, mature moms. That ought to make you feel pretty good.

[Cuddy pushes his feet off her desk and closes her laptop]

Cuddy: What do you want?

House: Looks like boils, altered mental status, and heart failure was caused by renal cell carcinoma. (handing her a form) I need your signature to start treating it with malaria. Don't worry, I'm giving him chemo too.

Cuddy: What is your sudden obsession with malaria?

House: Just trying to play my part cutting costs. Malaria is the simplest, cheapest method of delivering hypothermia.

Cuddy: Right. The only money you care about – You bet someone you could use malaria as a diagnostic tool?

House: That doesn't sound like me.

Cuddy: Forget it.

House: Okay, let me see if I've got this straight, a bet that puts one patient at minor risk is juvenile?

Cuddy: And irresponsible and dangerous.

House: But going all-in against Atlanticnet –

Cuddy: Is not a bet. That is a carefully considered negotiating position.

House: (putting the form on her desk) I'm gonna put this in your inbox. I just hope it doesn't get lost underneath all the other stuff you're carefully considering.

5 to 9, S6

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If You're Looking For the Best Fanfic To Read, Here It Is!

In January, I asked House fanfic writers to choose their favorite stories that they themselves had written!  Their stories cover every pairing, every genre, every topic you can imagine.  Each pairing has its own category, including threesomes.  General has its own category. This link has been neglected.  So for folks hungry for House fic, here is the first link:


It contains work by taiga13, blackmare, menolly_au, brighidsfire, flywoman, hughville and many more!  Especially fun to read are the chain fics, each chapter written by a different writer: "Gangster's Paradise," and "All I Want For Christmas Is You."

The second link:


It contains work by jezziejay, christikat, cuddyclothes, deelaundry, chocolate_frapp, bmax67 and again, many others.

For some reason I don't think srsly_yes submitted a fic, unless I'm reading the list incorrectly.


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December 3, 2014

Kutner: Could be an aneurysm. We've got to control her blood pressure. Start her on a calcium channel blocker.

Chase: Or… you could tell House.

Kutner: I can't tell House.

Cameron: You'll be in trouble. On the other hand, she's sick.

Kutner: She's singing.

Chase: And bleeding out of her ears, and losing her hair. And an aneurysm doesn't explain her joint pain.

Kutner: Wilson's disease does.

Cameron: No Kayser-Fleischer rings.

Kutner: Anorexia.

Chase: Now you're just desperate.

Kutner: Biliary tumor causing paraneoplastic syndrome.

Chase: That might actually fit. I'll scan to confirm.

Kutner: You'd do that for me?

Chase: You don't have the time. Which means I can ask for 25% of your income and you'll give it to me.

Let Them Eat Cake, S5

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December 2, 2014

House: Hi. I'm Dr. House. You are not pooping. Question is, are you also a klutz?

Nadia: Uh… I guess I'm no clumsier than most people.

House: What are you guessing for? You've got a perfect memory. I was told there'd be numbers, dates, fireworks.

Nadia: What do you want to know?

House: Let's go back to 2008. How many trips, stumbles, falls did you have?

Nadia: (seeing flashbacks in her mind) Eleven.

House: This really works. Cool. How 'bout 2009?

Nadia: Twelve.

House: Even cooler. Last year?

Nadia: Twenty.

Chase: That's a big spike in discoordination.

House: If you add the constipation, it's early onset Parkinson's. Give her a full neuro exam, and start her on levodopa.

You Must Remember This, S7

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December 1, 2014

House: I quit.

Foreman: You can't quit.

House: I think you're confusing me with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Cuddy: House, are you okay?

House: Yeah, and I want to stay that way. Talked it over with my therapist. I need to change my environment, my habits.

Foreman: But he cleared you to get your license back.

House: Which will help immensely with my new job in research. I’ve sent out some resumes. Research means no patients, less pressure.

Cuddy: Well, you just got out. Have you had enough time to think this through?

House: I'm sorry. I know this will affect both of you... And Thirteen... And the one with the nose. I just can't risk coming back here.

Cuddy: Okay.

Epic Fail, S6

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November 30, 2014

Kelly: You're gonna turn her pacemaker off? You sure that's a good idea?

House: Nope. But it might be. [He disconnects it. Nothing happens.] No tachycardia, there's only the delusions left. If they're even still there.

Kelly: Maybe it is a bipolar disorder. She's female. She's 30 —

Chase: it's not a coincidence. You've gotta stop doing this.

Kelly: But it could have been prompted by the physical symptoms.

House: [epiphany] You couldn't be more wrong. You've got the cause and effect backwards. Start her on haloperidol and Lorazepam. Give it a few hours to take effect. Call me when she wakes.

Massage Therapy, S7

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November 29, 2014

 photo tumblr_nffypfwCwi1tvjhi3o2_500.gif

97 Seconds, S4

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November 28, 2014

(Wilson's Aces by DrJonAnderson)

Wilson: Hey.

House: We can talk about it tomorrow.

Wilson: [he starts walking back to his office, then turns around again to address House] I erm... I won the poker tournament. [House is immediately interested] I totally played this guy Burman from Business Affairs. I got great cards, but I don't bet. Just call, no raises. Burman pairs his king on the flop, I keep calling, the river turns, I check. He can't stand it. He goes all in, he's sure he's won. [Wilson dramatically makes hand gestures about flipping the cards] I call. I flip 'em. Oh! [he looks victorious]

House: Pocket aces.

Wilson: I nailed his ass!

House: [smiles indulgently, then suddenly realises something] The aces were hiding all along.

All In, S2

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November 27, 2014

Cuddy: He has Streptobacillosis.

Cameron: Rat bite fever.

House: Boogy, oggy, oogy.

Cuddy: It fits the symptoms perfectly.

House: It’s certainly one possibility. What about the aspergillus fungus we found under the sink?

[Cuddy picks up the x-ray.]

Cuddy: What sink?

[House dumps a tissue in the garbage.]

House: You ought to clean your bathroom better.

Cuddy: You broke into my house?

House: No, that would be wrong. I had a key.

Cuddy: You had no right to invade my privacy. There was no medical reason for that whatsoever. And there was certainly no moral reason for it.

[She looks at the x-ray as she’s talking and notices something.]

Cuddy: Oh damn. You’re right. The focal consolidation makes fungal pneumonia far more likely.

House: You’re right I’m right. On the bright side, it has the advantage of keeping you totally responsible.

Cameron: The treatment for aspergillus is amphotericin. That’s hugely dangerous.

Cuddy: Yeah. Your point being?

House: Going the dangerous and aggressive route didn’t work last time. It’s bound to work this time. Start him on the amphotericin.

Humpty Dumpty, S2

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November 26, 2014

 photo tw1a.gif

Cameron: You ruined him. So he can't even see right from wrong. Can't even see the sanctity of a human life anymore. I loved you. [tearing up] And I loved Chase. I'm sorry for you both. [crying openly] For what you've become. Because... there's no way back for either of you.

Teamwork, S6

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November 25, 2014


House: My patient is allergic to quinine. [Cuddy turns on the light and sits up.]

Cuddy: And you got this from bubbles?

House: The symptoms started two months ago. It’s also when Brock started downing gin and tonics like a Brit staving off malaria. The gin was fake. The tonic was real.

Cuddy: And tonic water is loaded with quinine. Huh. Nice job.

House: You should’ve been fired.

Cuddy: I’m taking back the TV.

House: I saved his life.

Cuddy: That wasn’t the deal.

House: The contract clearly stated no takesy backsides.

Cuddy: Good night, House.

House: What are you wearing?

Cuddy: Good night, House.

House: Good night, Cuddy.

Living The Dream, S4

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November 24, 2014

Wilson: The woman that I called — that was really Beth?

House: Found her on Facebook.

Wilson: How much did she charge?

House: Nothing. She's still pissed at you.

House: Pass the bacon.

Wilson: I thought you liked prosciutto.

House: Nobody likes prosciutto.

Gut Check, S8

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November 23, 2014

Kutner: Are you okay?

Foreman: Could be years before you see any symptoms.

Taub: Why wouldn't you tell us?

Thirteen: I don't have Huntington’s.

Kutner: Are you lying to us… because it's none of our business?

Thirteen: If it's none of your business, then I shouldn't have to answer these questions. And I wouldn't have to, except House doesn't want to answer questions about Wilson. He's deflecting his own problems onto me.

Kutner: Are you deflecting now?

Thirteen: Time for the B12 cocktail and my life lesson.

Dying Changes Everything, S5

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Сериалу "Доктор Хаус" исполняется 10 лет

Лостфильм составил список 10 лучших, по их мнению, серий сериала "Доктор Хаус", приурочив это к десятилетию со дня появления на телевидении сериала. А вы какие серии включили бы в этот список?

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November 22, 2014

House: Oh, my God, it's three years ago. Does that mean I’m still crazy?

Foreman: You're back?

Cameron: You look good.

Chase: We're just helping out because –

House: I know. I just ran into Thirteen while she was clearing out her locker. My condolences. Although it's not like she's the hottest woman in the world.

Foreman: [forcefully] We haven't broken up. Are you back?

House: Sort of.

Foreman: Did you get your license back?

House: Not for a month or so. So you'll be in charge. I'm just gonna pitch in a little.

The Tyrant, S6

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November 21, 2014

Cuddy: She's 38 weeks. You think it's fifth disease?

Becca: What's that?

Cuddy: It's a viral infection. It can infect the fetus.

Cameron: Usually in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy, and in women who have trouble with their immune system.

Cuddy: History of drug use could've compromised her immune system.

Becca: I told you I haven't used anything in seven months.

Cameron: It does look more like a heat rash to me.

Cuddy: Yes, well, maybe we want to look at the actual blood tests.

Cameron: Of course. [She removes her gloves and walks off.]

Becca: She works for you?

Cuddy: Yeah.

Becca: Everybody here works for you.

Cuddy: [nods slightly] When this happens for real, are you okay to deliver here?

Becca: Yeah, sure.

Cuddy: Good.

Cameron: [returning with the test results] Blood work's normal.

Cuddy: Test it again.

Cameron: Tested it twice. [to Becca] I'll get you some topical cream for that rash.

Cuddy: I'm admitting her.

Cameron: There's nothing wrong with her.

Cuddy: There are dozens of other things this rash could indicate. I want a full fetal work up.

Joy, S5

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November 20, 2014

Moving On, S7

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Хью Лори возвращается на ТВ

Он появится на HBO в сериале "Вице-президент/Veep"

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Доктор Грегори Хауз